The Blessing: Giving the Gift of Unconditional Love and Acceptance Revised & Updated by John Trent and Gary Smalley

John Trent and Gary Smalley in The Blessing: Giving the Gift of Unconditional Love and Acceptance present the principle and practical details of providing blessing especially for our children.  The authors note the need of all humans to be accepted and the power of blessing in giving this gift of acceptance and love to our children as they grow into adulthood.  Trent and Smalley look to Genesis 27 and the retelling of Isaac’s unintentional blessing Jacob instead of his oldest son Esau.  Using this as the model of blessing and providing historical context to blessing in a Jewish world view the authors present their readers the five elements of blessing:

           
            “1. Meaningful and appropriate touch

              2. A spoken message

              3. Attaching high value to the one being blessed

              4. Picturing a special future for him or her

              5. An active commitment to fulfill the blessing (Trent and Smalley, 45)”               

The author’s argue that a blessing consisting of these five elements will help children to more fully emerge as balanced adults who can then spread the blessing to others including their own children.  Blessing creates a legacy.  The authors then document the devastating impacts of when blessing is withheld from children, the obstacles to blessing in some households (such as children of divorce and death or desertion) and how to overcome obstacles to provide blessing.  Trent and Smalley conclude their text by providing examples of the ultimate blessing expert in action, Jesus. 

Over 15 years ago my grandmother sent me a letter while I was in college.  In that letter she told me of her pride in me and how special I was.  Additionally, she spoke about the future she expected I would have.  A few years later, she passed away.  It was one of the last significant interactions I had ever had with my grandmother, with who I was very close.  Throughout her life my grandmother with me applied some the elements of blessing in our interactions.  And this letter served as the capstone to that blessing.  Today, the letter is framed and sits in a place of honor in my home office.  As I look back, she was just one of several relatives (an uncle and my wife’s grandmother immediately come to mind) and teachers who most likely unknowingly worked to speak blessing into my life.  And that’s not even counting my parents who also spoke messages into my life of blessing.  Where I have confidence and success today, is largely as an impact of that blessing.  As I consider this in light of The Blessing, I wonder how much more powerful could these gifts have been if the blessings had been intentional, because honestly they have a powerful hold on me today even as accidents.  And I am lead to consider how can I even more intentionally speak blessing into the lives of my children, family members and children in my ministry today?  The blessing as I can see in my own life is a powerful tool that cannot be ignored.

This text is an updated version of Trent’s and Smalley’s The Gift of the Blessing in honor of its 25^th anniversary.  Along with reissuing the book, the author’s have created a website at www.TheBlessing.com with supporting video and text materials.  Throughout the book and the site, they call for parents to accept the Blessing Challenge, one million adults pledging to bless another.  This book and challenges helps to remind us that God has spoken into his story,

 ^2-3 I'll make you a great nation
      and bless you.
   I'll make you famous;
      you'll be a blessing.
   I'll bless those who bless you;
      those who curse you I'll curse.
   All the families of the Earth
      will be blessed through you (Gen 12:2-3, The Message)

We have been blessed and because of it we must bless!      

    

Review Copy Provided by Thomas Nelson

Daddy Dates: Four Daughters, One Clueless Dad, and His Quest to Win Their Hearts by Greg Wright

Greg Wright has been asked by lots of other dads, how did you get such a good relationship with your daughters? Wright explains his journey to better relating to his four daughters in Daddy Dates. As a father of four girls, Wright came to the realization that he was struggling as a dad. In reflecting, and trying to be logical and planful, to overcome this problem, Wright developed a mission statement, “Don’t Screw Up.” He realized as he considered his relationships that as a teenager he was an expert dater and that in dating a man, or boy, seeks to know more about the female he is pursuing. So Wright, relying on past successes decided to date his daughters. He outlines his rules for daddy dates, the rationale behind some of his choices around daddy dates and how daddy dates have changed as his daughters have grown older. One of the keys to daddy dates is Wright teaching his daughters how they should be treated by the young men that eventually will pursue them romantically. Wright calls his daughters on the phone to make dates, which they can refuse, picks them up at home and shows them the courtesies that any father would want a young man to give their daughter. He is even know to dress up for their time together. In the end, Wright does not claim to have all the answers, in fact he notes he is still learning. Wright makes it clear that daddy dates are about interacting with his daughters so he can learn more about them while also sharing life lessons. A daddy date where no conversation has occurred is a failure.

This book is short and easy to read. As a father of a young girl the topic instantly had me hooked. What dad doesn’t want to get advice from another dad, especially one that has established solid relationships with his girls. Additionally, the book has led to discussion within my house. My wife and I have discussed daddy dates in detail as I read the book. These conversations went beyond the daddy date concept but grew to include how we would like our daughter to learn self respect and what she should expect from boys. Not everything Wright proposes may be for every family. In Wright’s house romantic dating is not allowed, it is daddy’s turn to date his girls others can date his daughters later. For my family that is an issue that we have not made a decision on. But again, it’s very beneficial to see another couple’s rationale for that decision and how they have implemented it in their own home. Regardless your opinion of daddy dating, this book definitely sparks discussion amongst parents.

Review Copy Provided by Thomas Nelson

Best Parenting Advice Ever?

Recently I asked “what is the best advice you have ever received about parenting?”

I got some great answers,

• Listen to your kids, but don’t listen to their words. Instead, learn what they need by how they act and respond to you.
• You better have a good reason to say NO. Because if you don’t, then you can say YES.
• Say what you mean, mean what you say.

I love seeing that parents I know are attentive, realistic and let their kids make choices so they can learn from them. Anyone of these pieces of advice could easily be one of the best pieces of parenting advice I’ve ever received. In fact, I may steal them…I mean recycle.

For my family the best parenting advice I ever received was, “Enjoy your kids where they are at.” When I first got this advice during my wife’s pregnancy it really did not make a lot of sense to me. Then my little baby girl began to grow, become more independent, became at times purposely defiant, basically she changed. I don’t sing to her the same songs now that I did when she was two. And, I’m never going to get that back, no matter how I try. At this point I have pictures, videos and at time hazy memories but that little girl is never coming back. She will never need me to carry her around, she will never coo at the simplest things again, she will never again be completely dependent on her mother and me. Luckily, since I was given this piece of advice, I made sure to enjoy my little girl as a newborn, age 2, age 5, today and hopefully tomorrow.

When our second child came, we were really aware of enjoy them where they are at. But will still have to remind ourselves to follow this advice. With a second child and knowing what is to come, often we project him to where he will be and not where he is at. Sometimes I ask, how much easier will life without (cups, diapers, strollers and etc) be? In the end, I have to remember to not run past one time of his life into the next. I need to enjoy him where he is at. Today is not going to get a repeat in the future.

In 1965, the band The Byrds reminded us of the fact that things change in their song “Turn, Turn, Turn” and that there is a season for all things. Or actually, this advice can be found in the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible. “The teacher, son of David, king in Jerusalem,” in this wisdom book doesn’t mince words and brings forth some hard realities. The fact that things change is somewhat the teacher makes very clear.

“There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace (NIV, Ecc 3:1-8)”.

Please allow me to rephrase the teacher for today’s parents.

There is a time for diapers and a time for undies.

There is a time for bottles and a time for silverware.

There is a time for dependence and a time for independence.

There is a time for VeggieTales and a time for Star Wars (disclaimer, it is possible to make these occur in the same season.)

There is a time for every stage of your child’s development from birth until they move out.

So, make sure to enjoy them where they are at. Tasks and errands will probably wait, your kids will not.